‘Tricked’ into believing you’re selfish? By: Sophia Cayer

Do you begin to feel selfish when you dare to turn your attention to doing things for yourself, or heaven forbid if you decide to do something purely for the sake of having fun?
A curious thing is how often people believe themselves to be selfish, when it simply isn’t true.
Many are astonished by what they discover – never having realized what made or makes that feeling creep in. What we discover will offer exactly what we need to “tap” our way to feeling better about ourselves, and improve our enjoyment of life.
The history typically includes living situations where we were expected, or circumstances dictated or required that we take on responsibilities.  The weight of those responsibilities leads us to believe that our needs must remain secondary. While there can be an upside, the downside can be quite damaging.
The truth is that frequently we are “tricked” (or conditioned) into thinking of ourselves as selfish.
Following the trail to determine how and why we find ourselves jumping to that conclusion can be quite revealing.

Why or how does that happen?

After the divorce of his parents a young boy lived with his mother.  Mom, a bit of a narcissist, tendencies towards hypochondria and emotional issues, constantly sought his undivided attention. For him, playing with friends or engaging in social events was almost impossible.  Even school was problematic, since many times his mother would call the school claiming he was ill so he could be by her side.  Much of his time was spent waiting on her.  Sometimes that meant a day spent at her bedside holding her hand.  When he asked permission to go outside or somewhere with friends, it was rarely granted.  Such requests were typically met with: “NO! What is wrong with you?   How selfish of you!”
So where was his father and the rest of the family? Regrettably they were minimally supportive. The exceptions were the rare occasions when he was allowed to visit them for part of day – or there was a family gathering.  Infrequent phone calls offered him little support.  Even if he hid in a room where he thought she couldn’t hear him, she would eaves drop and insist on taking the phone, ending his conversation.
Eventually he married and started a family. Because of his history, from the beginning he was determined to maintain an atmosphere of peace and harmony in his home, but repeatedly found himself struggling to keep it all together.
The conditioning that took place during formative years with Mom had him on autopilot, automatically “in service”. Without realizing what he was doing, he had set himself up to have history repeat.  His family members were confident, and actually expected him to change his plans or drop what he was doing to do for them.
He would willingly oblige, just as he had done with his mother, convinced that was the unselfish (or “right”) thing to do.  This meant sacrificing personal time, neglecting the things he loved to do, and falling behind with career aspirations.

He was reaching the breaking point; in the midst of major emotional turmoil. Depression, exhaustion, frustration and a sense of failure had taken over.  He felt the challenges were insurmountable, but knew something had to change!Attempts to carve out a little time for self-care or other things meant saying “No”, or “Not now, how about next week?”.  It was a painful thing to do, since his words were met with resistance and anger. Feelings of guilt and selfishness would surface, that intensified the emotional turmoil.

Now what?
Enter EFT! (Emotional Freedom Techniques) It took time to work through the issues, carefully addressing both formative years and current circumstances.  One step at a time he gained the confidence and courage to establish new boundaries, feeling less selfish and guilty.
Family dynamics and expectations changed gradually, and responsibilities were more fairly distributed, in spite of grumbling and resistance.
As things progressed, the ability to navigate the changes without falling into the old patterns was enhanced with EFT. To help this family create the home atmosphere longed for, his wife and children worked with EFT as well.  It remains a work in progress, since each of us is constant work in progress. The great news is they have developed a greater respect and understanding of each other.
If you find yourself feeling similar to this gentleman, it is time to take a closer look!  Believe it or not, you possess the power and courage to create the change you desire.
If first thoughts when you read the preceding paragraph were filled with all the reasons you can’t and who wouldn’t like it, remember I’m here to help you!
Contact me for additional help. 941-276-4948
To your health,
Captain Dick

About Dick Woodhull

Richard L. Woodhull Jr. was born and raised on a potato farm on the eastern end of Long Island in New York State. He went on to Graduate from Cornell University, become a Captain in the US Army, Army Aviator, flight instructor, Forward Air Controller in L-19 ‘Birddog’, Viet Nam Veteran and a commercial airline pilot with United Airlines for 34 years, retiring as a B-747 Captain. Dick established and managed a wholesale perennial flower nursery. Co-owned and managed a 200-unit apartment complex, and owned numerous rental properties. Captain Dick is a Church Elder, past Chairman of the Board of his church pre-school, Team Leader of Community Ministry for 85 to 90 people. He is married, has three children, three step children, twelve grandchildren and two great grandchildren. After 34 years flying for United Airlines, Captain Dick retired and moved to Port Charlotte and loves Florida’s west coast. Realizing he was not ready for retirement, he earned his Real Estate Sales License and has been an Award Winning Realtor® since 2002. Captain Dick is a people person, dedicated to helping you achieve your personal goals with as little stress as possible, and achieving the best possible outcome. He is trained and Certified as a Professional Life & Business Coach. This has enabled him to help others attain their personal and business goals. Captain Dick says, “I’ve had a lot of successes in my life, and a lot of failures. Guess which have been the most powerful and the most positive in getting me to where I really want to be? The failures! (it is only a failure if you quit!) I call them my stepping stones to greater successes. They have been opportunities to stop, and do things differently, with just that much more experience. My biggest inner success has been to take the time, introspection and study to determine what my true passion in life really is. The answer came clear through prayer and retrospection. I am happiest and most fulfilled when helping others achieve their goals. My Motto is: “My happiness is greatest when I contribute most to the happiness of others”. I get to live this every day, working with my awesome real estate team serving buyers, sellers and investors; working with my coaching clients helping them overcome pain, fear, sadness, self-limiting beliefs and truly start enjoying the life of their dreams; and many doubling their business income. I am happiest when I am coaching others and helping them achieve their personal, business and real estate goals. It is my passion. I walk with them while they take the steps toward living their dream life. I could be working for you. “ Captain Dick

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